Moral of the Story
by helga3
Summary: In which Momoshiro is definitely not a vampire. A tragedy in four acts. Or possibly a romance, or a comedy. Four acts for sure, at least. Momo/various.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

**A/N: **Posting old fic, yada yada yada.

* * *

**Moral of the Story**

**I.**

It had taken Momo about three weeks to really start enjoying being the new Seigaku tennis team captain. This had had less to do with learning to handle his new responsibilities, and more with learning how to best handle having to deal with his vice-captain.

He and Kaidoh had spent the first couple of weeks very pointedly not fighting in front of the rest of the club, all while concealing their frustration at every stupid thing the other did. And, Momo being Momo and Kaidoh being Kaidoh, they had of course found most things the other did annoying in some way, and so they had generally went around all days with more and more annoyance building up inside them until they were left alone for long enough a time for them to let it out and fight and shout at each other as much as they were used to.

Which Momo wouldn't have thought too bad an arrangement, really, if it hadn't been for the fact that he had to go around feeling annoyed and snapping at people all days as a result.

It really was quite unfair that no one noticed any difference in Kaidoh.

All of this went on for the first weeks, until one day, Momo had simply woke up in the morning in too good a mood to let Kaidoh's annoyingness bother him too much. He had cheerfully needled Kaidoh like he always did, without having to bother controlling his own temper.

And, to his own satisfaction, noticed that while he himself could remain in a good mood around Kaidoh, _Kaidoh_ was still as annoyed as ever.

This was a monumental discovery, which made Momo's life just that much more pleasant. It really was quite rewarding, watching the air around Kaidoh build up until Momo was sure he was quite ready to explode. And then annoy him even more by acting all cheerful about it.

Which was why he was currently busy pointedly paying his vice-captain no real attention whatsoever.

"... And I got a call from Rokkaku's Aoi – he's the captain this year as well, did you know? - and he asked if we wanted to have some training matches. I thought it might be fun, don't you?"

"Aoi... The one that's as annoyingly loud and almost as big an idiot as you?"

"Anyway," Momo continued, ignoring Kaidoh's comment, "I said we'd call back about times and stuff once I'd talked to Ryuzaki-sensei. Do you think next week sometime might be good? I think that sounds good."

"You were way too lenient with that first year who's been late the last couple of days."

"Of course, I'll have to ask Ryuzaki-sensei before we decide anything definite-"

"Momoshiro,_ listen to me,_ you idiot!"

Momo grinned inwards and awarded himself a point, but looked up at Kaidoh as if he'd only just realised he was there. "Oh. What is it, viper?"

Kaidoh bristled. "I _said_, you need to punish that first year who's been late to practice for the last two days. He's being disrespectful, and you didn't even give him laps."

Momo grinned. "No I didn't. There _are_ other ways to punish someone, you know. Laps are so _boring._"

Kaidoh didn't answer.

"I told him to play Echizen until he scores a point," Momo continued. "He'll be busy until next year or so."

Kaidoh opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again, looking almost contemplative. Momo awarded himself another point, and went back to what was basically giving a monologue, all while once again taking care to not notice Kaidoh in the least.

He noticed Kaidoh's attempted comments getting more and more annoyed, until he actually got up, grabbed Momo's shirt and hissed angrily, _"Would you just_ shut up _and stop ignoring me already?"_

Momo looked at him, prepared to award himself yet another point for making Kaidoh lose it like that, but had all thoughts of that interrupted when Kaidoh followed up his comment by leaning in and kissing him hard.

At first, Momo was too stunned to react in any way, but it didn't take long for his most basic instincts to kick in – mainly the ones that said, _never lose to Kaidoh at anything, ever._ So he kissed him back, just as furiously.

Somehow, it didn't take them long to end up on the locker room floor. The floor was quite uncomfortable, and there was a lot of pushing and showing as they both tried to wrestle the other into a position where they wouldn't have to be the one in the more uncomfortable position.

All the time, they were still kissing, and Momo was just starting to think that winning this particular game against Kaidoh would definitely have to involve him somehow getting his hands under Kaidoh's shirt. He was just about to put this idea into action when he was interrupted by a sudden pain in his lip.

"Ouch!" Momo pulled away from Kaidoh and sat up on the floor, staring accusingly at him. "You bit me! You really are a snake, aren't you?"

"Shut up," said Kaidoh. "Did you just notice the door?"

Momo took a moment to think about this, and it suddenly occurred to him that yes, maybe there really had been a noise like a door closing in the background only just now.

"Oh," he said.

Kaidoh glared. "I told you not to ignore me. _You_ deal with Echizen." He got up, grabbed his bag and stalked out of the room.

Momo looked at the door for a while, and then got up as well. He vaguely wondered what to say to Echizen while gathering his things together, but decided that he'd deal with that when he'd see him.

Instead, he took out his mobile phone from his bag and chose Kaidoh's number.

_"What?"_ Kaidoh said as he answered, sounding annoyed.

"I still can't believe you _bit_ me, you stupid Viper," Momo told him, touching his index finger to his lip and noticing it was actually bleeding a little. "You aren't poisonous, are you? 'Cause I'd hate to have to go to the hospital to-"

There was a click in the other end as Kaidoh hung up on him. Momo grinned at the phone.

This had actually been a pretty good day, all things considered, he decided.

**(I 1/2)**

"Momo-sempai, the next time you and Kaidoh-sempai are going to do that in the locker room, please lock the door. You're lucky it was just me who walked in on you. At least I had the sense to lock it for you to spare anyone else the trauma."

"Shut up, Echizen. And since when do you care if other people are traumatized anyway?"

"I don't," Echizen admitted. "I just don't want the tennis club to be suspended or something just because the captain and the vice-captain can't behave themselves. At least not before Nationals."

"Echizen?"

"_Captain_ Momo?"

"Just shut up."

**II.**

Momo closed his eyes and laid down on his back in the grass, tired from the game of tennis he and Echizen had just played. He closed his eyes to avoid looking directly at the sun, which was shining down from a clear blue sky. "It's way too hot today," he muttered, attempting to wipe the sweat off his brow with the back of his hand.

Just then, he felt a shadow covering his face and dully opened one eye too see Echizen standing over him. "Good!" he said. "Shade! Stay there, stay there!"

Echizen snorted. "Momo-sempai," he said. "Do you want to have sex with me?"

It took a while for Momo's brain to process just what Echizen had just said. And when it finally got through, it still made no sense. He wondered idly whether he'd managed to get a sunstroke playing in this heat, and was now hallucinating. "What?" he asked.

Echizen gave him an exasperated look. "Do you." He pointed at Momo. "Want to have _sex._" He put an especial emphasis on the _sex._ "With me." He pointed at himself. "Momo-sempai?"

Momo opened both his eyes, and started up at Echizen. Then he pushed himself up on his elbows. _"What?"_ he repeated.

Echizen frowned, looking slightly annoyed now. "I said," he began, very slowly. _"Do you-"_

"Yes, yes!" Momo interrupted. "I heard you. Just... _What?_ I mean._Why?_"

Echizen shrugged. "Everyone always makes such a fuss about it. I figured I should just get it over with. And if I'm going to do it, it should be with someone who doesn't make me want to bang my head on the wall if I'm around them for more than five minutes at a time. You don't. Most the time."

Momo stared, feeling oddly faint and slightly surreal. He had never thought of the issue - or for that matter, Echizen - in those particular terms before. "Just like that?" he finally asked. "Shouldn't we at least, I don't know, go on a date or something first?"

"I'm not asking you on a _date_, Momo-sempai," Echizen said flatly. "I don't want to _date_ you. I just want to have sex with you."

There really was not much else to do for Momo than stare in disbelief. "Echizen, how on earth is it you have all those fangirls? Seriously. How?"

"What have they got to do with anything? Do you _want_ me to ask you on a date? What are you, a_girl?_"

"Hey! I'm not a girl! I just meant your pick-up lines totally suck! You sure know how to make your chosen one or object of affection or victim or whatever-"

"Future sex partner," Echizen interrupted.

Momo paused and blinked, momentarily completely speechless. "Anyway, you sure know how to make them feel special, Echizen," he finally finished, faintly.

"Of course." Echizen frowned. "I want to have sex with you, after all."

Momo laid back down on the ground and closed his eyes. Maybe if he ignored it, this would all go away.

"So when do you want to do it?" Echizen asked. "Or do I really have to ask you on a date first?"

"You'd make me pay anyway, wouldn't you?"

"No."

"No?" Momo opened his eyes again to stare at him in disbelief.

"No." Echizen smirked, and pointed at the court with his racquet. "Whoever loses would have to pay, of course."

"Of course," Momo muttered. "You _brat_."

"Brat you're going to have sex with," Echizen pointed out.

Momo decided he just should have stayed in bed that day.

**(II 1/2)**

"So did you have sex?" Marui asked over the table.

"Nah. We did kiss, though." Momo took a bite of the food in front of him, determined to win this month's traditional eating contest, especially since Marui had won the pre-contest game of tennis earlier.

"Oh. So is Echizen a good kisser?"

"No."

"No?"

"No. I told him that, too, and he said," Momo paused, and continued in his best imitation of Echizen's voice. "_If this is all there is to_ kissing, _I'm definitely not going to waste my time on having sex after all. Let's just go play tennis instead, Momo-sempai."_

"Oh," Marui said. "And here I thought Yukimura had obsession issues. You gonna finish that okonomiyaki?"

**III.**

"... right, Momoshiro-kun?"

Momo snapped out of his reverie, catching only his name at the end. "I swear I'm not a vampire!" he burst out, having no idea what, exactly, An had been asking him.

An's eyebrows rose in surprise. "No?" she said.

"Err..." Momo laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. "Well. I'm not."

"You weren't listening, were you?" She gave him an amused look.

"Well. No," Momo admitted. "Sorry."

"You've been acting odd today. Is there something wrong?"

"No, no, no! I'm just fine! I was just... uh. Thinking of something else. Sorry." Momo smiled weakly, hoping that was good enough an explanation and that he wouldn't have to attempt a more detailed one. For one, he was a really bad liar, especially around An, and he wasn't sure the truth would be a very good idea right now.

"All right," she said, looking a bit dubious.

"Anyway, what were you just saying?" Momo decided that a change of subject was currently probably his best bet.

"I was just complaining about how hot it is today."

"Oh," Momo said in genuine surprise. "You're not cold?"

An actually stopped at that, and turned to look at him. Momo stopped as well, suddenly realising what he had said.

"Are you _sure_ you're okay?" she asked suspiciously.

"Yes, yes. It was just a bad joke. Sorry." Momo laughed embarrassedly.

"If you say so." An rolled her eyes, apparently deciding to let it go. "Hey, do you want to go get some ice cream?"

"Ice cream! _Yes!_ Let's go!" Momo grabbed her wrist and dragged her along enthusiastically to the nearby ice cream bar. Food might be able to distract him, he figured.

The thing was, An's hair was apparently long enough for her to wear it in a proper pony tail now, which was what she was doing today. Momo had never seen her with that look before, and it was horribly distracting. It was practically impossible to keep from staring at her neck; for some reason, looking at it while she was wearing her hair like this was making him feel somewhat like she was walking around in her underwear. He'd never known necks could do that.

He paid for their ice creams, and they went back outside, sitting down on a bench in the shade to eat.

There was a picture of Garfield the cat on An's t-shirt._ Never trust a smiling cat,_ it informed him.

Momo knew enough English to understand that, and decided that was probably a fair warning. More because he rather had the feeling that trusting_ himself_ around An was a bad idea – lately, he'd had the feeling that he was infinitely more prone to doing and saying stupid things around her because she was horribly distracting and made him feel all confused simply by existing. And today, she was even more distracting.

The thought suddenly occurred to him that Kamio might be contagious. It was a thoroughly disconcerting thought.

"I lied before," he blurted out, making the instantaneous decision that there was no way he was going to end up turning into Kamio. "I was distracted because I get like that. Around you. Sometimes..." He trailed off. His face felt heated, and he avoided actually looking at her.

"Oh," he heard her say, and when he finally did look up, he noticed to his surprise that she was blushing slightly as well. Blushing was not on his list of things Tachibana An did. Making other people blush on occasion, sure. Blushing herself, not so much.

To his relief, she was also looking quite pleased. They looked at each other for a while, and then, to keep himself from running away in a bout of panic, Momo leaned over and kissed her.

Kissing An made him feel slightly less panicked. Nervous, excited and slightly scared, sure, but in a good way. They were both still holding their half-eaten ice creams, which made it slightly less comfortable than it perhaps could have been, but Momo decided he didn't really care.

When they broke apart, An's face was still slightly flushed. Momo was sure his own face was, as well. She gave him a little smile, and Momo attempted smiling back. He was quite sure he came across more as grinning like an idiot, though, because her smile widened when she saw it.

She leaned back on the bench, looked up at the sky for a while, and then laughed a little and said, "Want to go for ice cream tomorrow too?"

"I was just about to ask that," he said.

**(III 1/2)**

"So Momoshiro and An-chan really are dating now? Is that why he's always hanging around here nowadays? I think it has to be. If I had a girlfriend and she went to Seigaku, I'd probably want to hang around there a lot too. Maybe I could get that grip tape from Echizen at the same time if I did? I wonder if he still has it. I really wanted that grip tape. Maybe I should go to Seigaku to see if he still does. I haven't seen him around the street courts for a long time. And we never have those joint practices with Seigaku anymore that we used to have all the time for a while. That's a shame. Training with someone else made a nice change sometimes. I wonder why we don't have those anymore... Maybe Tachibana-san has finally got over that crush on Fuji-san. Hmm..."

Momo spit out the water he was drinking.

Shinji looked at him oddly, and continued. "What's with him? Kamio is right, he's strange, that Momoshiro. I wonder what An-chan sees in him. But I guess she knows what she's doing. She always knows what she's doing. Just like Tachibana-san. I wish _I_ knew what I was doing half the time..."

"Don't we all," Momo muttered to himself. _"Don't we all?"_

**IV.**

"This," Momo said as they made their way out of the restaurant, "was a_date_, wasn't it?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, you just dragged me from school, told me you want to _discuss something_, took me to this fancy restaurant, paid for my food, and never talked about anything important enough for you to have to drag me away from school for the whole time. It was so an excuse for getting me to come on a date with you, wasn't it?"

"I would _not_ need an excuse for getting someone to come on a date with me," Atobe said.

"_And_ you spent the whole time we were eating trying to impress me. Of course, you always try to impress people, but it was different this time. It was definitely the kind of impressing someone you'd want to do on a date."

"You have a really high opinion of yourself, Momoshiro," Atobe said. "And I don't have to try to impress people. I just _do_."

"_And,_" Momo continued, unperturbed. "The most important thing. It took me a while to figure out what was so different about you today, but then I realised. _No Kabaji_. Definitely a date."

Atobe frowned. "Well, if you prefer to think of it as a date, please do. At least then you'll have _something_ to tell your grandchildren about."

"You know what?" Momo said, ignoring the last comment. "Let's do an experiment." He grabbed Atobe's arm and dragged him into the men's room they were just passing.

"Hey!" Atobe exclaimed, but Momo ignored him. Once inside, he looked around, making sure the room was empty. Then he leaned over and kissed Atobe.

"I knew it was a date!" he said triumphantly as they pulled apart after kissing fiercely for a few moments.

Atobe shrugged. "I did have something to discuss with you as well," he said.

"Oh?"

"Yes." Atobe picked up his bag, which had dropped to the floor as they kissed, and took out a pen and a daily planner. "What do you say to our next date being next week on Thursday?" he asked, opening it.

Momo blinked.

"Good, that's settled then," Atobe said, scribbling something down and putting the planner away again.

Momo blinked again. "But-" he began.

"Oh, don't try telling me you have something else to do."

"Well, no. But..."

"Yes?"

"Just... Why? This is kind of weird you know."

"Weird?"

Momo shrugged. "Well, it is sort of out of nowhere. So why?"

Atobe looked at him for a while. "All right," he finally said. "It's the Jack Knife."

"What?" Whatever explanation Momo had been expecting, that obviously wasn't it.

It was Atobe's turn to shrug, now. "It's a very attractive move," he said.

"Oh," Momo said. "Is _that_ why you've been showing up at the street courts all the time lately? I figured there had to be a reason for you playing me so much, but I kind of thought you were spying or something."

"Spying? On _you_?" Atobe looked somewhere between amused and insulted.

"But you were really just there because I'm... irresistibly sexy, or something?"

"Well," Atobe said. "Mainly it was just because I'm bored."

"That's your story."

Atobe rolled his eyes. "Let's just get out of this bathroom already." He looked around in distaste, and headed out.

"Next Thursday, then," he said as they parted.

Momo stared after him for a while. The day had been so surreal in every way ever since Atobe had showed up at Seigaku to drag him off in a limo that he still wasn't entirely certain whether it was really a dream or not.

_Ah well,_ he thought, turning and heading home. _There are worse nightmares_.

**(IV 1/2)**

"You two are here. Together. On a _date_?" Kamio stared at them in disbelief.

Momo shrugged. Atobe just gave him a bored look.

"The _hell_? You know, if it was anyone else, I'd ask what they were on, dating you, Momoshiro. But for once... Momoshiro, _what_ the _hell_ are you thinking? Why would anyone in their right mind go on a date with _Atobe Keigo_?"

Momo wrinkled his forehead and thought hard for a few moments. "Well," he finally said, thoughtfully. "He pays."

Atobe rolled his eyes, still looking bored.

"Oh," said Kamio, apparently at a loss as to how to react to this revelation. Until something seemed to occur to him, and his face lit up. "Hey, does that mean you an An-chan have _really_ broken up this time?"


End file.
